Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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