Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
