nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
