I love black thongs
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
