I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
