She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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