you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
