Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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