I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think your dad took our porno
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
