were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
