I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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