ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I intend to get homeless drunk
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
