Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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