I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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