why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
