Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
