got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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