then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
