Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think a kid would responsible me up
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
