I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
