I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
