if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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