Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
