Sponge bath it is.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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