another moral hangover. fuck.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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