8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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