i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
