someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize