I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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