Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Actions speak louder than pants.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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