It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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