im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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