I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
