I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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