I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
