It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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