The maid of honor just puked.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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