apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
