Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
