so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
