Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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