he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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