im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
