I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
