Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sober January is a disaster.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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