Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
