i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The adults are the big ones right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
