my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
