You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
