how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
