She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
