I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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