Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
