On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
