Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
