Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
