First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Randomize
