I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
