Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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