Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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