i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
