dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
