I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
