I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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