It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
