Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize