The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
