hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
