I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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