Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
