I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
