The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
